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ห้องพักนายช่าง ThaiHVAC.com ที่นี่จะเป็นที่รวบรวมเรื่องเบาๆ ให้เป็นที่แวะพักคลายเครียดนะครับ
Architect-artist-engineerThe architect, the artist and the engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or the mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there. The engineer said "I like both". "Both?" The engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will both assume you are spending time with the other woman. Then you can get into the lab and do something really important."
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all mechanical things. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later his company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day he marked a small X in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is!" The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his services. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark .. ..... ..... $1
In a deep discussion concerning which engineers God relied on most to design the human body, one person ventured that it was a mechanical engineer because of the complexity of the bones and ligaments and muscles and tendons. A second person disagreed and offered the idea that it must have been an electrical engineer because of the intricate nature of the nervous system and mind. However, both were rejected by the third theologian who offered that it must have been a civil engineer. He reasoned that only a civil engineer would be dumb enough to route waste water through a recreational area. Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young Engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you looking for?" The Engineer said, "In the neighbourhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package." The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?" The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?" And the HR Person said, "Certainly, ...but you started it." Different Engineer Perspectives Four men rode in a car: a mechanical engineer, an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer, and a computer engineer. The car stalled out. The mechanical engineer said, "It must be the pistons; let's repair them and be on our way." The electrical engineer said, "It has to be the spark plugs; we'll replace them and be ready to roll in no time at all." The chemical engineer said. "No, it's got to be bad gas; we'll flush the system and be on our way." They turned to the computer engineer. "What do you think we should do?" they asked. The computer engineer shrugged and said, "Let's get out of the car, close the doors, then get back in and try restarting it." Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The accountants saw this, and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all that). When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train, the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please." A priest, a doctor, and an engineer A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. Engineer: What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes! Doctor: I don't know but I've never seen such ineptitude! Priest: Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him. ...Hi George. Say George, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow aren't they? George: Oh yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year. So we let them play here anytime free of charge! (silence) Priest: That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. Doctor: Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. Engineer: Why can't these guys play at night? Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a simple mathematical proof that explains why this is true: Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power. Postulate 2: Time is Money. As every engineer knows, Work Since Knowledge = Power, and Time =
Money, we have Work Solving for Money, we get: Thus, as Knowledge approaches zero, Money approaches infinity regardless of the Work done (so long as Work is not also zero). Conclusion: The Less you Know, the more you Make. Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard's math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance, hence Money. A Programmer and an Engineer are
sitting next to each other on a long 13-Aug-00 จิตแพทย์ชื่อดังของเมืองไทยท่านหนึ่งได้กล่าวไว้ว่า ในบรรดาผู้ที่มาปรึกษา มีหลายอาชีพ และก็มีอาชีพวิศวกรด้วยเช่นกัน บ้างมาเอง บ้างก็เป็นภรรยา หรือลูกมาปรึกษา ท่านได้รวบรวมนิสัยและพฤติกรรมของวิศวกรที่ภรรยาไม่ชอบและทุกข์ใจ ดังนี้ 1. หัวดื้อ หัวแข็ง 13-Aug-00 The Execution In a fanatical country, a priest, a lawyer and an engineer have been held hostage for months and are about to be guillotined. The priest puts his head on the block, they pull the rope, but nothing happens. The ruler declares that the priest has been saved by divine intervention so they let him go. The lawyer is next on the block and again, the rope doesn't release the blade. The ruler declares that by international law, they cannot attempt to execute him twice so he is also set free . Then they grab the engineer and shove his head into the guillotine. He looks up at the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I think I see your problem." 13-Aug-00 An engineering student was walking on campus one day when another engineering student rode up on a shiny new bicycle. "Where did you get such a nice bike?" asked the first. The second engineer replied "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said 'Take what you want!'" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit." 13-Aug-00 Engineers hate risk. They try to eliminate it whenever they can. This is understandable, given that when an engineer makes one little mistake, the media will treat it like it's a big deal or something. EXAMPLES OF BAD PRESS FOR ENGINEERS
The risk/reward calculation for engineers looks something like this: RISK: Public humiliation and the death of thousands of innocent people. REWARD: A certificate of appreciation in a handsome plastic frame. Being practical people, engineers evaluate this balance of risks and rewards and decide that risk is not a good thing. The best way to avoid risk is by advising that any activity is technically impossible for reasons that are far too complicated to explain. If that approach is not sufficient to halt a project, then the engineer will fall back to a second line of defense: "It's technically possible but it will cost too much." 13-Aug-00 Ego-wise, two things are important to engineers:
The fastest way to get an engineer to solve a problem is to declare that the problem is unsolvable. No engineer can walk away from an unsolvable problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get the engineer off the case. These types of challenges quickly become personal -- a battle between the engineer and the laws of nature. Engineers will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem. (Other times just because they forgot.) And when they succeed in solving the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex--and I'm including the kind of sex where other people are involved. Nothing is more threatening to the engineer than the suggestion that somebody has more technical skill. Normal people sometimes use that knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the engineer. When an engineer says that something can't be done (a code phrase that means it's not fun to do), some clever normal people have learned to glance at the engineer with a look of compassion and pity and say something along these lines: "I'll ask Bob to figure it out. He knows how to solve difficult technical problems." At that point it is a good idea for the normal person to not stand between the engineer and the problem. The engineer will set upon the problem like a starved Chihuahua on a pork chop.
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Last updated : 02-Nov-2002